“It’s the most wonderful time of the year”

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have an announcement to make.

FOOTBALL IS BACK.

It’s my favorite time of year. I have plans every Sunday, Monday, and Thursday from here until January and I couldn’t be happier. This wasn’t necessarily one of the more wild weeks I’ve seen in the league, but there were definitely some good highlights to talk about. Now let’s get down to the good stuff.

KC v. DET

I’m not buying into the hype that KC is as good if not better than they were last year. That said, Mahomes’s list of weapons is a mile long. Great for him…bad for anyone who wants to play them in fantasy this year. But anyway, as far as the game itself went, I liked what I saw out of Detroit. There’s some scrappy football coming out of the Motor City and Jahmyr Gibbs is a little speedster. I got excited every time I watch him spin himself up field for three more yards. What I didn’t like is whatever nonsense was happening on the KC o-line. It seemed like they kept jumping early and Taylor was constantly lined up further back than any other tackle I saw this weekend…but I guess its legal if the ref allows it? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. And for the love of god pay Chris Jones.

Final Score: KC 20 DET 21

HOU v. BAL

You know what I never expected to say in my life? That an NFL rookie QB’s first completed pass was to himself. But that, my friends, is what happened for CJ Stroud. His first throw bounced off a lineman’s helmet and he was cognizant enough of the situation to catch it. Props for keeping your head on a swivel, CJ, but maybe try to throw it to your receivers next time. There wasn’t much else exciting about the Texan’s play on Sunday. The Ravens had a fineish showing as a whole, but the star of the game has to be Justice Hill who came in after Dobbins went down with an achilles tear and scored two touchdowns. There are rumors floating around that the team may pick up Melvin Gordon to fill the gaps and to that I say “Why? Why bring that bad luck to your team?”

Final Score: HOU 9 BAL 25

MIN v. TB

I’m actually surprised by this result. Cousins had what 300 yards or something like that? And he lost to the Buccaneers whose QB is Baker. I wouldn’t have picked TB to win this one, but here we are. Cousins can throw 300 yards every game, but their defense needs to step it up.

Final Score: MIN 17 TB 20

TEN v. NO

The excitement finally arrived with the other two AFC South games. First, the Titans v. Saints started with the Saints fumbling the opening play. Shortly thereafter, the Titans had a punt blocked. It was a THRILLING start that resulted in 8 field goals and 1 touchdown. The offense just wasn’t there. That said, I have a bone to pick with this officiating. How could they blow the potential fumble dead instead of letting it play out? Honestly, I think the call could’ve been overturned but their f*&k up made it to where the refs HAD to let the call stand as an incomplete pass otherwise they’d have to deal with the fall out from blowing it dead (which they’re taught not to do btw). I humbly request they fix this crap for next week so I don’t feel tempted to throw something through my tv.

Final Score: TEN 15 NO 16

IND v. JAX

Two words. Deforest Buckner. I’m in awe of the awareness the Colts D showed during most of this game. Buckner got credited for sacking Trevor Lawrence and causing a fumble. That fumble was then picked up by a Jags player and everyone just stood around twiddling their thumbs until Zaire Franklin came in and punched it out of the Jags player’s hand. Then Buckner gets credit for a fumble recovery scoop and score. You can’t make this shit up. It was such a wild moment all caused by some folks not paying attention. I love that I got to witness it. Other than that, I think Richardson played better than expected. I have a modicum of hope for the Colts this year. And welcome back Calvin Ridley. You look like you never missed a beat.

Final Score: IND 21 JAX 31

CAR v. ATL

I don’t have a ton to say here. This game wasn’t very exciting. Bryce Young got his first TD, but otherwise looked like a rookie. I’m still not sure what he can do this year in Carolina considering they sold the farm to get him, but we’ll see. You know who didn’t look like a rookie? Bijan Robinson. There’s hype around this kid and I can see why. Interested to see how his season turns out.

Final Score: CAR 10 ATL 24

WAS v. ARI

Messy, messy, messy (no, not that Messi). This game was just sloppy. 9 sacks, 4 fumbles, and an interception do not make for high quality football. I think the Commanders have some hope for their season if Sam Howell can get more experience. To be honest, I didn’t even know who he was before Sunday. But more time on the field with a halfway decent offense, he could do okay. As for Arizona…No comment.

Final Score: WAS 20 ARI 16

SF v. PIT

Did the Steelers forget to show up to this game? I know TJ Watt was there. He was the only real threat to the Niners. Otherwise, it seemed like the Steelers were just not into it. They have to find a spark if they want to not embarass themselves this year. The Niners played well, but they HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO find a way to protect Brock Purday. He’s getting sacked way to much unless they want him to end up like Andrew Luck. That said, seems like he’s not any worse off from his surgery which is really great.

Final Score: SF 30 PIT 7

DEN v. LV

Unlike Pittsburgh, Russell Wilson seems to have remembered how to play football. He was closer to how he was at the Seahawks in the Broncos opener and they put up a fight against the Raiders. The game was a push and pull between the teams and it really wasn’t certain who would win until the last minute. I like football that keeps me on the edge of my seat because it’s not clear who will win.

MIA v. LAC

My favorite game of the week. 7 lead changes. Both young QBs coming back from injury and succeeding. And HELLOOOO fantasy football points. I got a D- from Yahoo fantasy for drafting Tua, Mostert, and the kicker to the same team. To that I’d like to say suck it Yahoo. I had the highest points of anyone in my league this week. But enough about me, let’s talk about the major flub that was JC Jackson’s pass interference call. A deep pass where one receiver is covered by 4 defenders and you push the receiver while the ball is in the air? Come on, man.That’s a high school rookie mistake, not a mistake you make when you’re in the NFL. But thanks for the fantasy points when Miami kicked a field goal off of it. Appreciate you.

Final Score: MIA 36 LAC 34

PHI v. NE

I expected more out of Philadelphia. So much hype around a Super Bowl team. And NE is nothing to write home about. Mac Jones is fine. But Hurts should’ve dominated. He did okay against NE’s defense but Bill Belichek is still here to ruin your day. His defense kept this game way closer than I would’ve predicted it to be.

Final Score: PHI 25 NE 20

SEA v. LAR

What a rough start to the day for Brett Maher. He recovered well, but a blocked kick and a miss is a rough way to start your season. Maybe he subscribes to the idea that it’s better to get the shakes out early? Seattle looked pretty good still. I think Jaxon Smith-Njigba is going to be a solid target for Geno (I promise I’m not biased because he’s a Buckeye. He’s actually good and this is bad for my fantasy team so you know I’m telling the truth). And finally, welcome back Aaron Donald. Enjoy your money. You deserve it and that showed in this game.

Final Score: SEA 13 LAR 30

GB v. CHI

I wanted this game to go a different way. I really really really want to see the Bears succeed. But they’re still too close to being the team they were last year. Green Bay seems to have a decent QB in Jordan Love and hopefully will get one of their weapons back soon. Perhaps there won’t be too many skipped beats in this transition away from Aaron Rodgers? Either way, Love needs his people to stay healthy otherwise his initial success will go quickly down the drain.

Final Score: GB 38 CHI 20

DAL v. NYG

I’m not talking about this game. It was terrible. No one other than Cowboys fans would’ve wanted to watch that game. I want a game to keep me excited, not make me feel like someone should run rule Eli’s former team.

Final Score: DAL 40 NYG 0

NYJ v. BUF

Well, a defensive fight that goes into overtime and ends on a punt return TD was not what I was expecting. Rodgers goes down 4 plays in. Zach Wilson starting for the rest of the season. Josh Allen pushing the distance when that’s the one thing he shouldn’t do. (Okay I expected that last one). But let me tell you a story. It’s the story of a woman who fell in love with the Jets defense during Hard Knocks and took a chance on their defense in fantasy. That woman, she scored the most points in the league that week. And Josh Allen, blew Week 1 of the season. I predict the Bills will have a tough year, but I predict the Jets defense will make everyone they play wish they could curl up in a ball and cry. And I can’t freaking wait.

Final Score: BUF 16 NYJ 22

I don’t have a ton of extraneous thoughts yet. It’s a little early for me to have too many broad or extraneous opinions. That said, I think this season will be interesting, but I sincerely hope we don’t have to have any more achilles tears this year. Two is enough.

Welcome back to fall ladies and gentlemen. It’s going to be a fun one.